Ten Were Bad and Two Were Good

In the book of Numbers, after he enabled Moses to lead the Children of Israel out of Egypt, God asked Moses to send out 12 men into Canaan, the Promised Land, and bring back a report of what they found. Moses sends them and they spy out the land. When they return, however, 10 of the men bring back a bad report, a report filled with untruths and they convinced everyone that although God has promised to give them this land, there is no way to defeat the indigenous people. Two men, Joshua and Caleb, stand up and speak the truth. "The land is exceedingly good," they said, "the Lord will deliver our enemies into our hands. All we have to do is claim the land." But the minds of the Israelites had already been poisoned by the bad report of the other 12 men. The people were so angry that they considered stoning the only two men that had actually brought back a good news.
I am no stranger to defeat. I have faced this adversary over and over in my short life. Yet I am stubborn and refuse to bow out to defeat. Life is not characterized by our defeats but how we deal with them, what we do with the hand dealt us. I have known hurt and betrayal, I have known pain and abuse. But I have also learned to embrace them, pull them close with both arms; not because I am a masochist, but because I am a pragmatist. I know that when trouble comes, when the knife is thrust into my back, when the bad report is spread, I will not be killed. The pain may be almost unbearable, it's true, but I am only pressed, not crushed, struck down but not destroyed. Can the Phoenix bow to defeat when he knows he will only rise from the ashes; not destroyed by the flames, but purified and strengthened by them.
Though none of the people believed Joshua and Caleb, though they were nearly killed for standing by what they knew to be right, they were the victors. Of all of the Children of Israel, Moses included, Joshua and Caleb were the only two of their generation that entered the Promised Land. Those who gave the bad report and those who followed along with them fell dead in the desert, still wandering.
I may be a rebel, but I am not without a cause and I believe this cause is the only one worth standing for: knowing Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings; then making him known and declaring the fame of this One I strive to become like.

A little sanguinity from a devout Melancholic

I have noticed a trend in my life and moods. Funny it should take as long as it has for me to see this tiny truth, but I am slower than most so there you are. When I am depressed, when I am down, when I feel like lifes walls are closing in, it seems that my cynicism and doubt reach their high. I must confess I am quite a cynic most of the time. It is not something I am proud of or that I wear on my sleeve but it is there nonetheless. I always had a soft spot for poor Thomas and Peter...the Doubter and the Brash-Impulsive, for I see so much of myself in them. Anyhow, when I am at my worst nothing seems possible; I lose my confidence in people, in the world, in the system.
As a quick (but way far) aside, the ancients used to classify people by their "humors". The Greek, Roman and Arab philosophers and physicians came up with a theory to explain temperaments. There were four main catagories: sanguine, choleric, melancholic and phlegmatic. Each temperament corresponded to a substance in the body that influenced the personality of the individual. The reason I mention this is because, although I know nothing about my body chemistry I do know I must be melancholic, a description that rather speaks for itself! Hence the seemingly depressive nature of my writings. My sincerest apologies!
The truth I wanted to share in this blog was not my cynicism, nor my wavering confidence in others. What I have discovered is that when I trust in the Lord, when I drop my hands to my sides and admit, once again that I don't know anything and I hold no power in my feeble hands, He reminds me that He does. God speaks to my heart and reminds me that though they might fool me, people have never pulled the wool over God's eyes. He knows everything; from the first movement of the first atom in space to the first thought in my own mind. There is nothing hidden from God's sight.
Furthermore, when open my bible, when I light the lamp of God's word and consent to follow Him down any path on which He chooses to lead me no matter the cost, I am reminded also that for Him there is nothing impossible. By the power of my weak human mind I can only imagine the infinite impossibilities of this world. When I am living through the power of His Spirit, though, a universe of possibilities opens up; there is nothing that seems beyond reach. His hand is powerful and it yearns to show me things beyond my wildest dreams, wonders that are uniquely God's. He asks that I put my faith and trust in Him and He will take care of the rest. There is not enough wonder in my mind nor words in my brain to comprehend or express the supremacy and capacity of God. He is far grander and more deeply consuming than my moods or fears. His hands are never idle in this world or in my heart; they are constantly and steadily at work for good, accomplishling His will and purpose. When I choose to set aside my own petty issues and feelings I can glimpse a portion of the wonder of our Lord...and it goes beyond anything I could possibly say here!