Pilgrimage

And there is no map to lead me back to those places
 where you lie

You wait there like shadows in my mind

My feet can walk those paths without eyes to guide
 without impetus
 without urging

Like the blind feet of small animals
 placed well on familiar ground

Drawn by scent
 by instinct
back to what nourishes

How do you draw aside the dark curtains in these places
 piercing shafts of light

That fall across the time across the space that has opened wide between us

Through my minds eye
  I see
   the yawning maw of indifference.

Do you sit and wait for me, as I return
  over and again

Cajoled ever back by the mystery of our almost-cleaved hearts

Dangling in wait like the quivering tear at the tip of an eyelash

Love perches
 a moment

Then trailing a hoary gleam down the cheek

I return like a pilgrim to these places
  tracing the labyrinthine paths
   of memory

On my knees for absolution 
for I know not what

From a Musical Selection

From a plethora of beautiful and painstakingly crafted instruments he reaches out,

Hand sure and steady as he grasps the handle of an ordinary piece.

Smoothly grained, resplendent in its normality

His eye sees what others may not as he makes his choice.

His touch excites me, a long finger dragged down my side, cataloguing, indexing Each shape on me that it encounters is fascinating.

His eyes scintillate with anticipation and delight; it is mesmerizing to watch.

His musician hands coax a melody from me that none have heard before,

Rusty and halting at first, but as my strings warm to his touch the sound mellows

Springing up from inside, burgeoning out into the air around us.

It is a lovely sound, instrument responding to the artist’s work.

Abruptly the music stops as his hands still their movement.

He arches back, bringing me into his view—

Don’t stop! Play on until the song becomes a road that we may walk down together

Silence and a Tiny Death

You are so beautiful, you with your dark hair, your piercing stare that seems to look right through me

You make my heart race and obscure my thoughts; they come to me disjointed and opaque

You stare me down, even across this distance, your eyes cut right through me;

I never leave the crosshairs of those eyes

But then you disappear, seeking me out no longer but becoming still and unanswering, killing me with silence

You are so capricious

I pursue, I question, I press

But you have already run far beyond my reach

That heart that beat so fast when you kissed me has gone on to beat for other things

While I stay here and mourn for a fleeting future, stillborn in its promise, but still an aching hunger in my breast

Somewhere far away you smile—laugh—plan for a new future that has no room for my simple, needy heart.

I mourn the loss of a beautiful dream

Blame falls on me surely

But for too long I have underestimated my worth,

Questioned and devalued the wondrousness of who I am

I am a golden goddess; a body succulent with curves, hips, breasts, lips

My mind is a beautiful maze of intelligence and wit

A web to capture the attention of a mere man such as you

My body is lithe and strong, shapely and young

Glistening with the heat of my exertion

My heart is passionate

Filled with emotion and desire that outstrip most in their ability to give

Why then I am always discarded, given over when something better comes along?

I did not need you, yet I chose you--I chose you because you chose me.

My love didn't burn away like fog, it remains here, hidden inside the anger and hurt

 I hope you will be haunted with the possibility of what might have been, just as I am haunted by it

If only you had prized what you had, cherished it as special rather than a convenience, oh the rewards!

“If only” will be the epitaph on the tombstone of this affair and we suffer so under the weight of those two tiny words

Perhaps this is why we are cautioned, “do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires”

For if it is not meant to be, why do we throw ourselves at this, risking such tender hearts?

Why am I so reckless as to pursue forever with only the memory of a perfect kiss?

I can no longer be bound to you and your desperately beautiful, quiet, dark aura.

It seems such a waste to push you from my mind after you had such a place there.

To divorce you from my thoughts is inconceivable

I miss . . . I simply miss, that is all

Oh but there is so much you missed out on!

  Burn, and please don't stop until you know the truth of this

Loss

Don't date your friends
For when the affair ends,
As these things inevitably do,
You won't just have lost a lover
You'll have lost a friend too

Beginnings and Ends

It is a difficult thing, to love someone. 

Perhaps not at first when the amor is fresh and their eyes catch the light and their smile transports you to another place. 

It is easy at first when they are enamored of you, the way you smile and speak, when they voice their admiration and desire. 

But quickly they become used to your presence, the way you move seems only to get in their way and the only the things they voice anymore are excuses. 

You want to love them as you first did but the sadness and the longing for what used to be keeps you bitter and distant. 

You find yourself blaming them for your misery; the tears are hot and shameful as you cry them and hate yourself. 

What was it that changed? 

What happened to the love? Why did it evaporate? 

Why was I important  for breath and then forgotten?

A Plea for Tomorrow

Today was a gray rain cloud

To see your face in my mind

But be sundered from your body

I ached for today, for yesterday

and tomorrow

For your hands on my face

Today was a bleeding heart

Confused and alone

I reached out across oceans to pull you to me

But grasped only raindrops

Like tears on my face

Today is an infinite guess

Memories and learned lessons coloring emotion

Hands clasped in prayer

Supplication for a different outcome

In this reality of us

I find this fearful heart

Ready to run, bolt like a scared horse

Hide from the loss of you

Today was a desperate silvery wish

That you might hold me

Completing this wretched puzzle